Living Diæry #4

1̶1̶ 13 days ain't bad.

May 30th, 1:59 pm

eleven days since the third entry.

dammit.

whatever.

I promise myself if I decided to start this experiment i wouldn't give myself a hard time when j inevitably ghosted it once life got too complicated to put into words. I told myself I can find my way back eventually and I was right but I definitely broke the promise, im giving myself a hard time.

whateverrRRRR.

this week was weird.

last Saturday little guy decided out of nowhere that he wants to be back in the RV. five months stuck in the house thanks to winter and entropy, sleeping on the floor on a twin size mattress with my 10 year old son. “relief” doesn’t come close. i have my space back.

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June 1st, 9:54 AM

13 days. crap.

it’s fine, i’ll find my groove. i was too headsick last week to care. apathy is still the hardest part of encephalopathy to overcome day to day, i can cope with fatigue and head aches and lost time, but feeling unable to motivate myself to do anything involving self care has been a tremendous obstacle. thankfully with Readercon on the horizon I finally have extrinsic motivation to keep myself focused, hopefully during the next few weeks i’ll be able to jump start some routines i’ve been letting slide and start feeling more capable.

have little guy home has been hard. i need to start a home school routine for him, but he’s so stuck in his cycles, now he won’t leave the RV. before that he would hardly leave the room in the house other than to stretch his legs. i’m struggling on how to help him feel safe out in the world, but how do you help a traumatised child heal when you can’t have a conversation about what they’re feeling?

Willow says hi. she is also beyond thrilled to be back in the RV because it means she can spend the day herding me back to the house because she is very helpful.

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